No, still means no
by ganyonmeds
Summary: Kain feels conflicted about Golbez refusing to give his blessing. But Cecil seems to know the proper way to ask his brother for it.
1. Chapter 1: No

**Chapter 1: No.**

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_Knocked on your door with heart in my hand, to ask you a question 'cause I know that you're an old fashioned man._

_"__**May I have your brother's hand for the rest of my life?"**_

No.

That single word echoed through the dragoon's head as if it were a song he heard every resident in the castle walls humming throughout the day. It was an irritation and a headache that refused to leave him, and it sickened him greatly. Kain wondered just what he had done, to receive that rejection anyways. What was it he had done wrong? He could have sworn that he and Golbez were on what seemed like decent terms after everything that had gone on. The older man seemed to even accept the fact that the blond and the man's beloved brother were bedding with one another.

At least, that was what it appeared like, up until Kain had asked Golbez for Cecil's hand in marriage. Now that he thought about it, the silver haired male did seem _very _uncomfortable with the two being so intimate.

_You say I'll never get your blessing till the day I die._

White teeth gritted in his clenched jaw and long fingers clutched at his helmet.

Just what was so damned wrong with their marriage anyways? The fact that he was nothing more than a dragoon? Was it because Cecil was a king with a kingdom to run? Or perhaps was it the same reason peasant brothers did not want their sisters to marry... Because the partner was simply not good enough?

That was hard for the male to wrap his mind around. Now he just wondered what it was he was not doing well enough. It was not a conceded thought no, Kain was not a conceded man. But he swore he had done everything to prove to Cecil and his elder brother brother he was worthy enough to have as a partner. All day long he ran about this world making sure that everything was taken care of in regards to the health and safety of Cecil's people, then returning in the evening to put Cecil to bed. Any new delicacy he learned of he made sure was cooked to his paladin's liking. Kain went to the ends of the world to make sure his beloved was dressed in the finest, had the most expensive of oils (which he had almost wasted all of his gil on multiple times for the man), and was satisfied four-fold with the love the blond male shrouded him in. Couldn't Golbez just see how much Kain wanted to join in union with the man?

"I just want to spend the rest of my life with him." He murmured beneath his breath leaning back against the stone wall and crossing his arms.

"Is that so? _Him _must be a very lucky man to have you."

A jolt was given by the unguarded dragoon and he turned towards the voice to see Cecil standing there with his lips gracing a smile. Immediately Kain gave a kneel with an arm across his chest, "My king... My apologies for not noticing your holy presence."

The white-haired male before him laughed and pulled his lover to his feet. Today his dragoon's behavior seemed anything but it's normal calm and cool. As a white eyebrow raised, blue lips pursed into a frown upon seeing Kain's expression turn dull and conflicted, "My love, what ever is the matter with you today? You've been acting strangely and it has me worried. You did not even show for lunch."

_Love me or hate me we will be boys standing at that alter._

So, it looks as if he had been caught. Taking the king's hand, Kain gave it a slight pull before pulling him along,

"Cecil, let's talk. But not here."

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**Hello everyone! Thank you so much for reading this first chapter of my first Kain x Cecil fic! It's short I know, but I will be adding new/longer chapters at least every other week. Please rate and review! -Kou**


	2. Chapter 2: No, still means no

Chapter 2: No, still means no.

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The second Kain had taken his lover into his bedroom he had him sit on the bed. Then, he avoided his eyes as he paced nervously trying to think of how to word his current problem in order to explain it without completely letting loose that he wanted to join Cecil in union. Yet if his kind king had heard him say that there was someone he wanted to be with him for the rest of their lives, the man was not at all dumb, he was going to know that the dragoon had wanted to make things between he and Cecil permanent. If anything, his boyfriend already knew who said what. Though they were apart and rarely saw one another, Kain himself knew that the paladin kept close contact with his elder brother. How annoying. Who even knew what Golbez could have said to his younger sibling in regards to his fool of a lover asking permission to marry the King of Baron.

_Why you gotta be so rude?_  
_Don't you know I'm human too?_

Blue eyes watched the sulking dragoon as he paced in front of the white knight,and feet shuffled in a bit of impatience. Cecil just wanted to know what was wrong with his love, and with his brother. As the white haired male sat there chewing on the inside of his lip, Kain removed his helmet and sat it down on his mahogany nightstand with a heavy sigh. That was also something that Cecil had noticed the other doing a lot that week, that Kain had not noticed himself doing at all. And when it seemed he had finally finished with pacing, the dragoon had just started it back up again.

It then seemed that the beautiful man on the bed had finally had enough of the lingering silence. Standing, the lunar being walked up to Kain and stopped him from pacing by reaching up his hands and placing them on the tanned cheeks. Thumbs carefully grazed the high cheekbones as eyes wandered to observe the dragoon's facial features, searching out whatever blemishes there may be that would show any sign of what could have been wrong with the male. Cecil then spoke with high concern in his voice while a middle and index finger traced the thin lines that had made a home of Kain's brows,

"You're getting wrinkles stressing over whatever it is you're thinking about. Get any more and you'll look like an old man, Kain."

A smile suddenly appeared on the older man's lips as his hand pulled down Cecil's to place a soft kiss on his palm. _You've always had such a way with telling me I was looking horrid._ For a while, lavender eyes just stared into Cecil's loving blue one's filled with concern. He had planned to wait to ask the younger man to marry him, but in order to explain what his problem was... He'd have to ask him now.

In a way that seemed it was practiced, Kain got down to one knee and kept the other's pale hand within his own. He then kissed each digit softly as if mentally preparing Cecil for more kisses in the very near future. Sucking in a breath, the blond felt as if the stone room around him was closing in on them and trying to suffocate the words he had to say. Why was this suddenly so hard to do? All he had to do was propose, and explain why he then could not marry him right then and there. It had all worked itself out perfectly in his head, but now the self-proclaimed master of tactics could not bring himself to ask such a simple question. But suddenly as if his heart had finally had enough of it's own torture, he spoke up.

"Cecil, you know how I've felt about you for a very, very long time... And I know you've seen how I try to express my love every day by giving you whatever it is you want and the best of it."

He took a pause, and watched his king's reaction. The younger male nodded as if to tell him to go on with a light pink hue on his face feeling just a bit embarrassed. Kissing the back of Cecil's hand, Kain did just that.

"I think, that you Cecil Harvey, are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid my eyes on. You should know that it has indeed made me a very selfish man, and has caused me to make very selfish decisions in my lifetime. All of those decisions you have forgiven as far as I know. Which is why I have an equally selfish question to ask you, and I hope you say yes."

_Say yes, say yes..._

Licking his lips, the dragoon finally asked, "Cecil, will you marry me?"

The moment of silence that followed after was just enough to make the dragoon go crazy. It would have been rather unfortunate if the paladin were to say no. When he had mentally rehearsed this scene, he had only thought about the end results if his partner were to say yes. Not if he said no. Hopefully if it was a 'No.', there were some good reasons behind it. Such as, 'Kain, I love you dearly but... I'm not ready for marriage yet. Let us wait another year or so." That would have been bearable. But a flat out rejection? No. No, Kain would not have any of it. And if the reasoning behind the rejection were that, Cecil was quite fond of women after all, then the man would surely lose his mind. With a sigh he sincerely hoped with all of his heart that his lover would say yes.

"Kain, of course I'll marry you."

"What...?" Blinking, the dragoon looked up at his king as if he did not believe the words that were said to him.

Cecil being the merciful man he was, repeated his words to his dumbfounded love, "I said I would marry you. It is all I could really want right now, to be tied to you."

The higher beings must have given Kain the strength to hold himself back at that moment. If his self control were non-existent, there was a high guarantee that he would have had his way with Cecil right then and there regardless of whether or not the door was open and that they were not on the bed. But soon enough his mood dropped as did the smile on his face upon remembering that there was still one more difficult quest he had to accomplish before he could marry the man. As if knowing there was more to the story, the paladin before him got down to his knees to meet at eye level, and gave a rather curious tilt to his head. There he was again, trying to read the normally stoic man's troubles that were written on his face. His words did not even have to be spoken for Kain to know that he was being asked what the problem was.

"It's your brother, Cecil... I asked him for his blessing you see, and he denied me it." The distress in his voice was pretty clear and showed how he was even a bit angered. "I swore to myself I would not marry you until I had his proper blessing and approval."

Cecil's brow raised and laughter escaped his blue tinted lips. Kain however, frowned in thinking that his lover was not taking him too seriously.

"Cecil. Do not think me jest, I will not put a single ring on any of your fingers until Golbez allows me to make you mine."

Wiping a small tear from his eyes, the holy man began to apologize, "Forgive me Kain. But I do think it is rather funny that you would be so upset over a simple rejection from my brother. You've been done in so much worse by him... Yet this is the scratch that finally sets off the bear. How did you even ask him?"

"I asked in this manner, **I am going to marry your brother, may I have your blessing**?"

_I'm gonna marry her anyway._

Again Cecil began laughing as if Kain had just told him the funniest joke in all of Baron, and it agitated the dragoon even more to brink of walking out of the room. But before that could happen, Cecil again took his older lover's face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together with thumbs stroking his cheeks as he spoke, "Perhaps for my brother, you were coming on a little strong. He is coming over for dinner tonight, why don't you ask him for his blessing in a bit of a softer tone? Maybe even mention that I already said yes. You know he wishes for my happiness. That might compel him to give you what you want."

"If what you say is true, I will ask again."

* * *

_Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? (Say yes, say yes)_

"Golbez! A word please?" Kain approached the mage with a confident stride and an equally confident tone in his voice. Just this alone would show anyone that he meant business in all seriousness. Perhaps even be threatened by it, most in Baron were. Yet Golbez was not. He stood just as straight and his own aura was threatening, but Kain would not waver by it. Asking Golbez for his blessing was just another mission to him that needed to be carried out with nothing but planned perfection.

And for Golbez, rejecting Kain was an order he believed could have been given to him by the gods. Turning to the smaller built male, he raised his eyebrows and spoke with his gruff voice, "What is it, Kain? Surely you do not wish to duel me out of revenge, just for the hand of my younger brother?"

A sly smile ran across the face of the dragoon and he shook his head with even his eyes sparkling under his helmet at just the very thought of triumphing over the older mage. "I would not even dream of dueling you. Though... I would like it very much so if you would so kindly give me your blessing and permission to marry Cecil."

"Now why would I do that, Kain? What reason would I have to give you the honor of marrying him?" A laugh much like Cecil's, but deeper in pitch came from Golbez. He was not laughing because he thought the idea of their marriage was silly, he was laughing because he found Kain's persistence to be very amusing. The fact of that showed in his deep violet eyes. Golbez had no intention of letting the young dragoon have his way with any part of Cecil other than a sexual non-committed relationship. It was probably because the sadist that remained in him wanted to see the blond male suffer with longing for what his pride would not let him have. And as his pride would have it, Kain's anger rose along with his voice as he decided to speak again.

_Rude._

"What do you mean, why? Does it not occur to you that I have been making Cecil as happy as humanly possible? Not even Asura's love for Leviathan can amount to the heart ache I suffer every day just because of how much I love your brother. I ask nothing of you except for your blessing. Why is it so hard to give?"

With his smile growing, Golbez gave an answer that chilled Kain down to his bones, "Because. I do not want **_your _**happiness, Kain."

_Tough luck my friend but no still means no!_

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**Thank you again for reading this friends! I was a bit late on the update, and a little sloppy, and it's a bit short once again. But I'm doing my best to get it done! Review and rate please. :) -Kou**


	3. Chapter 3: I love you

**This chapter is going to revolve around Cecil and his feelings around the whole dispute between Kain and Golbez. Lot's of inner dialogue and Cecil trying to get his own voice across the playing board.**

**Warnings: Angst, mild violence, a teeny bit of self hatred, sexual references.**

**Song: Love Letter- Gackt**

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_Dont forget this promise were making,_  
_Because you're more important to me than anyone else._

"I only hope Kain can remember that. Marriage or not." Cecil drew a breath into himself and shook his head. Out of all of the troubles that still lingered in Baron, it was still surprising that a simple rejection upset the dragoon so much. There was so much more that would be an irritation to an already troubled mind from war. And it was bothering Cecil beyond all belief. Even now he was struggling to read and sign off on important documents for trade and law within the walls of Baron. As the paladin thought harder about the current squabble between his love and brother, he tried harder to keep concentration on the parchment in front of him which soon turned into a headache that lingered in his forehead area and temples. Pressing his fingers to the throbbing areas in an attempt to sooth the pain, only to fail and push the papers aside. When the door creaked open, right away a groan from his pain uttered from his lips with a plea, "All I ask is that you do not slam that door when you close it..."

A deep chuckle came from the only man who could produce such a thing and resonated within the echoing of his heavy footsteps. Golbez had shut the door behind him, and had made his way to stand by the ailing king, "If it is that much of a hindrance, you should have one of your mages tend to it, Cecil, and then get some rest. It seems to me as if this cruel test of fate called paperwork is working you."

"Oh my dear brother, thank you for your concern but I would rather not trouble my finest to something as small as a headache." A smile crossed his face before it faded again as soon as the pain returned. If just talking was going to be this much of a struggle, it was a wonder he was rejecting help from a mage. Had it been anyone else with Cecil's problem though, he would have given them the advice that was just given to him. Just another one of the little quirks that the king had. And besides, this was definitely not the worst pain he had ever experienced in his years of living. He was a Dark Knight after all, and those years of war and even minor battles had take their toll by returning in the form of night terrors which came to visit at least once a month. Not often, but often enough to even bring emotional turmoil to his lover who suffered through the same thing if not more so than the king.

_There were days when we hurt each other because we were still too young._  
_But now they're memories we can laugh at together._

Ah, that was right. Speaking of hurt, there was one who was hurting more than he. Kain. As if denial from his brother already did not mix well in the dragoon with the fact that his love had made amends with his older sibling. Touching his index finger to his lower lip and thumb to his chin, he then fell into deep thought about whether or not he should bring up the subject of Golbez's rejection to him. But there was this tingling in his brain that was telling him that it would not be such a good idea. He loved his now fiance yes, but he loved his brother too. To upset either of them would be absolutely ail him in one way or another. Ah... Where was Rosa when he needed her? The white mage was always useful when it came to situations such as this and with picking Cecil's brain for him and deciding what words were appropriate for the situation. She would know how to bring up this very sensitive subject of marriage, and in a neutral way so it would not seem like only one side of the playing field was being looked at. With or without Rosa here though, the subject would have to be brought up. With that last thought, Cecil ignored the pounding in his head and took a wild shot in the dark.

"Brother, why did you refuse Kain your blessing?"

Golbez, said nothing and let a covered hand pat the back of his younger brother's head using cure to begin removing the headache. In response the white haired male leaned back against the hand caressing him with a light sigh. '_So pure still, Cecil. So...innocent,'_ The black mage thought to himself, _'You would never understand. Being all I have left, I can not simply surrender you to someone who is so easily_ tainted_. Someone who could not quiet their mind laden with the thoughts of how badly he wished to bed a holy creature such as yourself.'_

As the question went unanswered, the younger man began growing a bit impatient. He wanted this solved, and now. There was no way he could marry Kain without his elder brothers blessing, even if it broke the dragoon's heart. But he could not just go behind his brother's back and marry under the two moons. In this situation Cecil was wishing Bahamut would burn a nearby village just so he could run to the rescue and hide away from the two most powerful forces within his life. Hell, even a request for his holy presence for an old dying man for prayer sounded much more heavenly than this. Taking another dare to fate, he swallowed his pride and asked again in a bit more of a demanding tone, "I am not in a joking mood. I would like to know why you refuse to bless our wish to marry."

Now it seemed as if the elder male actually listened and was giving thought into the question asked of him. Unusual, seeing as how Golbez was usually quick to put in his two gil with a silver tipped tongue that could easily be laced with poison. Just remembering the words of the past had the White Knight shuddering a bit at his brother's touch. Fingers tapped at his shoulder as if trying to prod the words needed to explain his rather harsh behavior to the blond male. Would he even tell Cecil? If he had decided not to, the smaller male had plans anyways on how to extract the information from Golbez. If alcohol was needed, it would be u-

"I feel he is not quite worthy for someone as beautiful, wise, and strong as yourself. Even if he were the last being on this planet for you to choose, I would still force you onto an airship to search even the moons for someone better than he." A breath was taken as if it were needed to allow him a moment to calm from all of his hatred towards Kain, "I'd rather not think of the thought of you two sharing rings, let alone a bed."

"Golbez..." Those words stung. Since the moment peace was made between the brothers, Cecil had been under the impression that his beloved elder brother had approved the match he had made for himself. Countless nights the two siblings had spent with Cecil fawning over the flaxen haired love of his life. Now... He saw where Kain stood in the grey eyes of the king's older brother. No where. That was not a place the paladin felt his lover deserved to be. If anything he should have been right there next to the knight, hand in hand in his brother's mind. Sapphire hues narrowed and he stood to face the taller male with determination strewn about his face and frustration pulling on the blue lips,

"I love you both brother, but no matter what I will always choose Kain as my beloved. And I will marry him. Just tell me, how can he earn your blessing as well as your respect?"

_This love I clutch close to my heart_  
_Will never change, this one unique_  
_I love you._

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_Agh! Sorry this is so late everyone... I started working and hit a MAJOR FFIV block... I'm replaying the game so I can get this fanfic done. Later this week I will also be uploading the first chapter of my Kefka x Kuja fic. Please rate and review! :)_

_-Kou_


	4. Chapter 4: Urge of Flesh

For this disgrace of a chapter we have Golbez being lustful and an ass. I greatly apologize for this dark part of the story just know that I in no way support what happens. it's sloppy because I needed it done and over with to move on to the next chapter.

Warnings: Angst, violence, sexual references, mentions of incest, imaginative rape mention.

Song: March of Mephisto - Kamelot

_Don't be so distant, 'cause when you're lost..._

_I am solely there to share your grief._

Golbez watched silently as Cecil and Kain embraced for what could easily be the last time.

A private meeting was called by Cecil to discuss the blessing arrangements and what Kain needed to do to make this marriage happen. It was a most difficult thing to even get started since the poor Lunarian could hardly get the dragoon and his brother to do so much as look at one another. But it was at the end of this little "discussion" it was finally decided that Kain would embark on a quest to tame a dragon, and bring it back to Baron. The elder brother distinctly remembered how Cecil went to intervene and stop the request before it would even start, but also on how the brave dragoon hushed his lover and accepted the challenge without a moments hesitation. Kain had even decided right then and there that he would prepare immediately to set off first thing in the morning. It was also made clear he was going to go about this journey without any help even from his most beloved or another mage. Stubborn as his father some might say. Obviously it upset the normally cool headed king but it pleased Golbez to know the thorn in his side would be gone for at least a month, if he ever came back at all.

And now here the three of them were, outside the castle gates with Cecil wishing the blond good luck on his trip and promising to pray for his well being. While Kain was explaining this trip was not much of a chore and that he would be alright, especially when he was well equipped with his dragoon armor, plenty of potions and even a few elixirs. Golbez on the other hand, was too busy thinking of how attractive his younger brother looked with slight tears in his eyes and a reddened nose from the winter winds. If this chilliness was Shiva's doing, the man would be sure to send a prayer to thank her or have the girl, Rydia, thank her. Not that thanks from someone like him would be accepted any how.

"Might I collect a wish of luck from you as well, Golbez? After all, should I return successful it should be more than a pleasure for you to gratefully give me my prize." These words flew from Kain's mouth as if a joke, but the black mage knew very well the tone of voice this _lesser _being was taking with him. The blond was being sarcastic. As well as arrogant.

And so to respond to this rudeness, Golbez spat his own shot of venom, "Should you return with the reptile, I might as well be betrothed to you myself. I hope however that should you pass, I'd receive a rather handsome payout from your demise. Might I repeat, _handsome._"

His gaze then drifted to that of the bewildered king who seemed not to recognize Kain's sarcasm, nor his brother's. Cecil even opened his mouth to inquire as to what it was they were talking about before the dragoon hissed to the other Lunarian with a very, very noticeable threat in his tone.

"You are to keep your paws off and your eyes off of him. I have let some guards know that he is not, under ANY circumstances to be left alone with you and your vile intentions."

_I name your solitide._

_I speaketh the truth._

"I shall keep that in mind. But remember, our dear Kain. The loneliness of the flesh... also brings about the loneliness in the soul. And should that happen, I will take no responsibility." Golbez spoke in an almost somber manner, in a chillingly polite way. The way the threat was thrown out caught the attention of even Cecil who gave a small shudder but easily shrugged it off and told himself it was just because of him running out in just his shawl and night clothing. Yet, the man could not shake the feeling that it was not just his love who would be in danger these upcoming weeks. While he trusted his brother again, he was easily concerned that the man was not as pure as the paladin had hoped he'd become. He knew as well as Kain that the dark of ones heart would never be easily cloaked by the light. That the slightest negative thought would easily corrupt the rest of the sound mind. It was with that he shook his head and turned back to his blond taking his face gingerly in his two calloused hands and spoke with that soft voice of his,

"Kain. I know you will return to me. And I vow to you nothing will happen to me. Now please..." His lips touched that of the dragoon's with a tenderness not even a child could imitate, "Go. Be swift and may the light of the moon guide your way. I love you."

It took no more persuasion for Kain to nod, return the kiss, and hop on his horse before riding away. As he headed off he took one last look back to see Cecil waving goodbye before turning once the man was far away enough to return to the safety of the castle. His back... was the last thing Kain wanted to see. But it only urged him to do the unthinkable and complete his quest was ease within the short amount of time he was given to do it in. He would return, and he would take Cecil as his own.

Golbez watched Kain leave and could not help but to smirk to himself. The very evil Cecil was thinking of earlier had, in fact, emerged the night before. He recalled that just after the meeting was adjourned, he had summoned his own interesting beings to set out and stalk the younger male. The task they were given was simple: kill. They were to wait in various areas where these dragons were known to appear, and to their best to either hinder Kain from succeeding or to make his demise a reality. The half Lunarian had the slightest hope that should the man never return, that Cecil would fall to his knees in grief before turning to his elder brother in search of a more _intimate_ manner of comfort. To which he would so happily oblige and caress that slim body so lovingly as if it were his own from the very start.

_Now tell me all about your pain._

_Down to the detail..._

_Don't, say it's love._

_Your fragile heart,_

_Feeds my contempt._

* * *

"Cecil, you need to come eat. Even Rosa is worried that you've not made an appearance in almost three days."

While Golbez spoke to him, the youngest of the two seemed not to hear a word he said. The sapphire colored eyes were too busy gazing out the window as if searching endlessly for Kain. It had been over two weeks now since the male had left, and Cecil had not received even a letter yet. There was this hope he had that the man would stop in a town and write and send it off with a pigeon of sorts. Even a simple note saying, 'I have made it to _.' would have been enough to keep the king's worry at bay. But there had been no such note coming his way. He wanted to go after him, track him down and bring him home. To take Kain into his arms and apologize, to tell him he would forget about tradition and to follow suit. Tell this man of his whom he loved more than anything that he would marry him and be his no matter what happened to either of them. Tell him that he would follow the dragoon to the ends of the Earth if it meant he would at least be coming home for sure to rest his head in Cecil's lap.

Crystalline tears welled up in Cecil's eyes and slid down his cheeks at the thought. Golbez watched. As he did so, his hatred for the man he had sent off only grew greater. Even he being as skeptical as he was that Kain would return, had expected at least a notice of where he was. If such a thing had come, his younger brother would not have been sitting here for days sobbing almost endlessly with small intervals of peace, which was sleep. And during this time just as Kain had promised, Golbez was never alone with the male for more than an instant. Guards were always kept around their solemn king and Rosa would often call on him to help her with training the younger white mages. Perhaps they were thinking that if they kept the ivory haired male busy, that his mind would not be caught up on a man almost destined to die for him. It was almost enough to make the black mage laugh with how petty those thoughts were.

Kain, would not come home. And knowing what he did now, such as his own feelings for Cecil... Golbez almost wished he could go back in time and keep the young baby instead of leaving him on Baron's doorstep, so to speak.

_Reminders of innocent youth._

During this intense moment of would have, should have, didn't, Golbez did not quiet realize he had approached the younger male and placed his hands on his shoulders. The pale face turned to look up at him with those tears still streaming like rivers down his cheeks. In those eyes lurked... Confusion? Yes, that was it. But what for? The older man did not want to know. One of his rough hands then took Cecil's chin into his fingertips and brought it up so his lips harshly collided with those of the paladin as he took a lean to be closer to him. Smaller hands pressed against Golbez's chest with force as he tried to speak with his eyes pleading for the man to remove himself from his personal space. But the taller male continued on with his kissing and had managed to pull Cecil up into his arms at this point to hold him tightly in place.

Cecil's movements became frantic and his light hitting became a pounding with nails also being slapped across his brother's face. From the point of view of the taller one, the king looked almost disgusted with what was happening. Golbez seemed not to care as well. His own actions became more violent and there was the sound of tearing cloth mixed with the wails and pleas from the youth beneath him for him to stop with this madness. Curses were heard, but ignored as he went about with his own little mission of conquest. How was it though, that no one heard these cries from their king or the constant shushing of his brother as he went about stripping them both? That thought was quickly shoved to the side as his hunger for Cecil became much more urgent than it had been before this. And before he knew it, a shriek was heard and he entered the wriggling male he was trying to keep in place with a hand on his throat.

"Brother? Are you quite alright? Your face has gone pale."

Before he could register the rest of this vision, Golbez awoke to that sweet sound of his brother speaking to him from across the room. His own grey eyes were widened as his gaze dashed about to find no objects knocked over, no door was shut, and no clothing had been torn off of Cecil. There were also no bruise marks around that shimmering neck of the paladin to indicate that there was some sort of scuffle between the two. Though he could easily see the concern on the younger males face that went along with a curious eyebrow. Cecil wanted to know what sort of thing had happened within the mind of his elder brother in the five minutes he had been in his bedchamber. It was not hard to guess that the king of Baron had sensed that Golbez had a vision of sorts. One at that, that he was not willing to tell a single living soul.

Turning, he made his cloak flare out behind him without so much as another glance to Cecil as he spoke in a hurried tone, "Dress yourself for dinner. I will let the white mage know that you will be making an appearance tonight. Hurry. I know she gets a bit irritable when kept waiting for such a period."

With that he left to his own chamber and slammed the door. He himself would tell Rosa that her own love interest would be there in a few moments when he had regained his composure. He needed grounding. To do just that he dragged himself over to the mirror that hung on the wall and stared at his reflection for what felt like hours, though it was only minutes before he spoke in the lowest of voices,

"You're not that man anymore. You've changed. You're not Golbez, but you're not quite Theodore yet either. Do no harm to that man if you love him... And for God's sake call off the manhunt for Kain."

_I am the thorn in your side that seeks accomplishment._

_Reminding the mortal of death._

_I am the spore of your pride ._

_An angel heaven sent!_

_Master of all, I am the urge of the flesh._


	5. Chapter 5: We Don't Have to Dance

_Warnings: light self harm? Mild cursing._

Song: We Don't Have To Dance - Andy Black

_I'll break it to you easy_  
_This is hell, this is hell_

**It's okay to not always be in control.**

Cecil tried his best to convince himself of this. But it was hard. This fact bothered him to no end. The lunarian was not in control of this situation at all. Kain and Golbez had the power. They had decided to make a bet like this. It was his brother who challenged Kain's love. And it was Kain who accepted that challenge with the fire to try and prove the mage wrong.

They were both wrong.

That is exactly how the moonchild felt. If the other two wanted to settle this like men, then why couldn't they just...sit down and talk it out properly? Take deep breaths before things became too heated and made a sort of friendly debate out of it? At this point they were acting like children, not men. Only children would play these sorts of games. Cecil would know, he and Kain used to banter back and forth with dares similar to this one all the time when they weren't practicing their fencing and combat training. But now, it seemed Cecil was the most cool headed and willing to talk out of the three of them.

_We don't have to talk._

"-Cecil, what are your plans for the guard arrangements? Have you found a replacement for Kain?"

Sapphire eyes opened slowly and stared across the table to Golbez. Rude. The king was deep in thought about this and very bitter, he wanted to be left alone with his thoughts. Not speaking of anything else. It was peaceful enough in his mind when having only himself to chat with there. A slight hiss left his lips as he responded coldly,

"Do not dare speak as if Kain is not returning home ever again. He will come back..." A pause was taken and he sucked in a sharp breath before continuing and running a hand through his stardust hair, "And I have found a _temporary_ replacement for Kain. Edward said he would take the position and should be here by sometime tonight."

Edward leaving his own kingdom was a bit risky considering they were still rebuilding. And no doubt Edge's advisers would scold the hell out of him for leaving last minute. If he had let them know at all. Which of course would be one of the most ridiculous things he could ever do. But he had done it before so... Who really knew.

Just before Cecil could lose himself in these thoughts. his brother spoke up again with a gruff tone, "Edward is visiting? Hmpf. He's no bigger than you are, and is a healer. How would he help? He's more helpless as Kain. And it is irresponsible to abandon a kingdom when it's almost in debt and is still vulnerable." A smirk drew itself on the black mage's face. He seemed to be thinking as well. And Cecil prayed to the gods that the older man would not speak whatever was on his mind. Especially with members of his court here observing and taking notes on the current changes within the guard.

"Speaking of vulnerable..."

"Golbez... my brother please..."

_You're never gonna get it_

Golbez leaned forward resting his chin on his hands, "Cecil, what will you do while he's gone? Where will you go from here?" From here, he did not have to continue speaking for Cecil to hear what he was playing at. The man may have stopped speaking but... The words continued on. Was it mind manipulation? Or was his conscience attacking itself...? All he heard was the same sentences over and over again. **You think you can handle yourself just fine. But in reality you just lean on this dragoon as if he were a crutch made of steal. His armor is not going to splint any broken bones you might have in your spirit. This kingdom, would not have survived with just you and your friends.**

**But how is he without you? He might die. Or already be dead.**

**Cecil stood so fast his chair fell backwards. His hands shook as they p**ressed against the table as if they were what held him up, not his legs. His already pale face lost the rest of its' color, and the faint glow his skin had. The stunning blue eyes he had possessed had lost their shine. Blue tinted lips curled in and when they curled out, the lower one had a light purple sheen to it. Blood from chewing on the inside of the lip. Before anything could be said, he curled his fingers into his palms to form two tightly clenched fists and he slammed one against the table before speaking softly, "Fuck you...You know nothing about me... And him... You have no idea how much he means to me!"

Turning he ran out of the room. There was no care in him about the fact that his court was in that room. Or that he lashed out at his elder brother. He wanted Kain. He wanted his sweet dragoon to spirit him away from this uncomfortable stone prison. This was pure madness. And none of this madness had the slightest bit of fairness in it.

Once Cecil had gotten into his chambers, he bolted the door and stripped himself of his armor. It was cast aside without a second thought. He could care even less if it was scuffed or dented in any way. That was how his heart felt. Damaged. Sulking to his bed he let himself fall forward with his face in the pillow. The tears would not stop again. They drenched the material and he hiccuped. In his beliefs, Kain leaving was definitely his fault.

_We don't have to dance._

**If only I had stopped him... He'd be here, laying with me right now...**

Nails dug into the flesh of his hands until blood began to drip from them. There was no attempt to stop it. None. The pain he felt was a bit relaxing. Not a positive outlet at all, but it would do for now. At least until his love came home to him. Sniffing he turned to glare slightly at the three moons rising. He wanted to hate them. But the amount of times Kain had compared him to them... He couldn't. It would scar a beautiful memory. Without much thought as he continued to stare, he closed his eyes and drifted into a fitful sleep. somewhere in the distance, he could swear he had heard a soft voice speaking to him.

_I'm a hazard to myself._

_I'll break it to you easy,_

_This is Hell, this is Hell._

Notes: This is the last Cecil chapter for a bit. The next one will be Kain's chapter, and then possibly an Edward chapter. I honestly did not expect this fic to get this many chapters. This one was probably a bit rushed but, I did try! -Kou


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